Come From Away

On the subway home from watching Come From Away. It was just such a heartwarming story, so uplifting and faith-in-humanity-restoring, that I kinda wanted to cry the entire time. To see people be so helpful and willing to help. There was a lot of humour and some realism. I loved the Irish music aspects, and the accents, and the dancing, and the use of the stage, and the actors. I found it all so cool, the way they moved things around to create different scenes and characters. I also really loved how the little stories were told and we were informed of the “ending” for each of them – ie. how Hannah’s son died (the most of the musical, she was searching for him).

I tried the juniper latte on my way home. No, don’t get it.

Thoughts at Midnight

It is the night before my last undergrad final. It has hit me that it is the final term.

I really wish it hadn’t, because now I cannot sleep. It’s a nerve-wracking feeling, there’s a sort of nausea at the back of my throat for the uncertainty that the future holds, there’s a nervous school of fish swimming around in my stomach for the the need to do well on this last final to get into masters, there’s a dizziness for the dress and anxiety that have been in the background that are now taking centre stage, there’s a pounding ache behind my eyelids for the fear of failure. Of disappointment. Of losing university life. Of missing so many of the wonderful friends I’ve made in undergrad.

How does one deal with this? This amalgamation of feelings? Are there exemptions available? Have I attributed these emotions to the right causes? Everything is so taxing.

没有心想事成,没脸见人,梦以断了

崩溃了,真的想大声的尖叫,只怕室友听见了,觉得我是个疯子。

有可能吧。每天都有想哭的念头。好像快要疯了。

我成绩不算低,有工作经历,做了很多义工,师哥师姐们都觉得我不错,我的简历也没问题。可是连面试的机会都没有。

是他们在安慰我吗?是我的人凭有很大的纰漏吗?是我以前做的什么事,主要惩罚我吗?

爸爸妈妈费了这么大的力气,牺牲了那么多,让我上大学,可是我连好的实习都找不到。

我就这么浪费吗?

中文难写,也只能把这些打字打在这里了。

我好像什么事都敢不好。得不到面试,或者得到了面试又得不到工作。

得到工作的人都说 “不要急,还有下一轮呢” 可是这也是安慰的话。他们不知道这个感觉,犹豫、飘浮的感觉。不知道人生中最重要的前程在哪里 的感觉。

我是比那一些有实习的人差那么多么?我那么差吗?